Darling, I'm A Nightmare Dressed As A Daydream
by fay-marie1993
Summary: Raven is going through a rough time and there's only one person she trusts enough to talk to.
1. Chapter 1

Raven stirred the bath salt into the hot water before sliding into the tub. The only light there was come from the moon and the candle that she lit and left on the toilet seat. The water wasn't as warm as she liked, but she was too lazy to run it warmer. She felt the muscles in her back relax and she sighed. There was too much going on. She hid the letter she had received from her mother. Arella was ill. They thought she had a bad case of pneumonia, but it could be worse than they thought. Raven erased the thought quickly from her mind and dipped her head under the water. When she came up she moved her shoulder length hair out of her face. She came here to relax.

About thirty minutes passed by and Raven was still soaking. The water was starting to cool but the candle was making the room smell warm with almond. Raven slid under the water one last time to wet her hair and get the remaining conditioner out. She held her breath for a few seconds until four sets of red eyes flashed in her mind and she quickly came up gasping for air. It had been about three years since she had gotten rid of Trigon. She knew he was gone, but she still had night terrors. It was getting ridiculous. Raven had always passed it off as a form of post-traumatic stress. It was another one of her secrets. Raven cursed under her breath and stood up before pulling the drain in the bathtub. The room had gotten cold since it was the middle of autumn and winter was close. She didn't think it would have gotten cold enough for heat.

She finally got dressed and went into her bedroom. She ran her brush through her hair. Raven wanted to go to bed, but after the episode in the bath, she was wide awake. Beastboy and Cyborg were still up playing video games. She could go in and watch but she didn't want anyone asking questions about the disturbed look on her face. Raven found a comfortable spot on her bed and dozed off. It wasn't long before her night terrors started. She woke up screaming and hearing her name.

"Raven. Raven. RAVEN!"

Her eyes snapped open. She was panting and was covered in cold sweat and what she thought was tears. Beastboy was standing in her doorway. She was confused before she remembered she had finally trusted him enough to give her the pass code to her room.

"You ok, momma?" Beastboy asked. He looked tired and worried. His voice had gotten deeper the past few years and was gravely from lack of sleep.

"Just a bad dream, sorry," Raven apologized. She moved the hair that was stuck to her forehead from the sweat. It was a nervous habit. Beastboy shut the door behind them so no one would hear the conversation.

"Don't be, everyone has them," he told her. It finally hit Raven that he wasn't wearing a shirt. She gave him a puzzled look.

"What happened to your shirt?" she asked him.

"I was getting ready for bed and then remembered Cy left the pizza out. I went to put it in the fridge and when I came back, I heard you screaming. But do you like what you see?" Beastboy gave her a cheesy grin and flexed his muscles. He even winked at her. Raven wasn't amused.

"So what, it's puberty," Raven said dryly. "And don't mention this to the others."

"You know I won't, Rae," he said as his face went back to a worried look. She felt his emerald green eyes staring at her, trying to figure her out. Beastboy made himself to her bed and sat down. Raven felt comfortable enough to lie back on her pillows. "Do you want to talk about it?" Beastboy finally asked. Raven shook her head. His expression softened.

"I just don't want to be alone," Raven admitted. Beastboy moved into the bed and lay next to her but gave her enough personal space. Her bed was big enough and she had gotten more comfortable with being close to him.

He gave her another playful, toothy grin. "You should of said something, momma."

Raven turned on her side to face him while he remained on his back. There was about a four inch gap in between the two. Beastboy was still in arms reach though.

"Just shut up and go to sleep," she mumbled after Beastboy pulled the covers over both of them.


	2. Chapter 2

Raven woke up from a dreamless sleep. She didn't know what it was about Beastboy but he always had that effect when they shared a bed. It hadn't been the first time he had slept next to her. Beastboy was snoring softly with his arm above his head. Raven had her hand resting on the arm closest to her. She had reached for him sometime in the middle of the night. After pulling the covers over him, she closed her eyes.

"Rae."

"Hmm?" Raven answered him.

"You were whimpering in your sleep." He told her when she opened her eyes.

"I don't remember anything," Raven said. She hoped he believed her because she honestly didn't remember having any dreams. Beastboy finally turned on his side to face her. The morning light was just beginning to creep into the room making her facial features visible. Even though Raven had slept eight to ten hours, she still had dark circles under her eyes and her voice sounded exhausted.

"You mentioned the name Arella," Beastboy said and stopped when he saw the expression on her face.

"It was probably nothing," Raven lied. Beastboy was too tired to argue but he knew the name sounded familiar. He might have heard Robin say it before. He just couldn't put his finger on it. Raven felt bad for lying to her close friend. However, it was her problem and no one else's. She heard Beastboy sigh before he whispered for her to come closer.

Raven snuggled into Beastboy's embrace. He couldn't shake the feeling that she was hiding something. Maybe he would ask around later about the name.

"Um, Raven?" Beastboy broke the silence.

"What?" Raven asked still feeling guilty.

"I have to pee."

**Later On **

It was movie night. Robin was in the kitchen making sure the popcorn didn't burn. However he was also watching a certain violet haired girl. Raven had opened up more during the past few years. She wasn't as moody and brooding, especially since her father was gone. So Robin had immediately noticed the sudden change in her. It was his job as team leader anyways to make sure his friends were okay even if the injuries weren't physical. Raven had withdrawn to her room more than usual. It wasn't like it was when they first became a team, but her absence was noticed. During the last few days she had avoided her friends and when she did interact with them her smiles and laughs seems forced. Robin also noticed she stared off into the distance more like she was thinking deeply instead of joining into the group conversations. If it had been the earlier days, this would have been normal, but now it wasn't. Beastboy entered the kitchen. He was gathering sodas for everyone. While he was alone with Robin, he took the opportunity to ask what had been on his mind since the previous night.

"Robin, this might seem random but do you know anything about the name Arella?" Beastboy asked quietly. He tried keeping out of earshot from the other titans.

Robin's eyebrows narrowed as he stopped the microwave. "Isn't that Raven's mother?" he asked. "Why?"

Beastboy opened his mouth to explain but was interrupted when Cyborg yelled that he was still waiting on the drinks. "I'll explain later, but I think you know we need to be concerned about someone right now. Just don't say anything for the time being." He left to go bring the drinks into the living room while making a smart remark to his friend. One of Robin's jobs was to be observant so Beastboy knew he would be the right person to talk to if he suspected something was up with one of the other group members.

When everyone was ready, Beastboy took a seat next to Raven. She didn't move away or flinch. In fact, she allowed him to put his arm behind her. Raven felt bad for not being able to keep her eyes open. She hadn't even realized she had fallen asleep until she was gently being shaken awake. Raven lifted her head off of Beastboy.

"It is bed time, momma," he said softly. "Everyone else has gone to their rooms." Raven wondered just how long he had stayed up just for her.

"The way things have been going, I'm not necessarily looking forward to bedtime," Raven said dryly. She didn't mean it, but lack of sleep had made her irritable. Beastboy just gave her a small smile.

"I didn't say you had to go alone," he smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been raining all day. In fact the rain had started when the alarm went off that morning and the Titans had to stop the usual bank robbery. It was an easy enough job. Raven was disappointed though because she hadn't had time to enjoy the feeling of being wrapped in someone else's arms. Beastboy had ended up holding her against his chest that night. He decided not to bring up her mother.

However, the rest of the day was boring. Everyone tried finding ways to keep warm inside the tower. Raven had made some hot tea and was sitting at the counter in the kitchen with her coffee mug in her hands. She was mostly lost in thought. There was still no word on Arella and she was still stubborn enough not to mention it. Raven stood up to put her now empty mug in the sink. She closed her eyes for a second to get a hold of her emotions. The familiar vision of red eyes flashed in her mind again and she dropped the coffee mug. It shattered on the floor with a loud crash that she hoped no one was around to here. Unfortunately Robin came running.

"What happened?" Robin demanded.

"It just slipped out of my hands, sorry," Raven lied. She fixed it easily with her magic and then made it levitate to the sink. Robin's instinct kicked in.

"You're not telling me something, Raven," he said with his gravelly voice.

"It's nothing, really," Raven responded. She was trying not to sound irritated.

Robin frowned. "There has to be. You have been acting strange and as the team leader I have to know."

"No, you _don't_!" Raven snapped. "If I want to keep something private, I have every damn right too!"

Robin wasn't surprised by her response. He took a step towards her and she moved back like a frightened child.

"Raven," he said calmly, "you and I both know something is up. It's not like you to be clumsy."

"It was an accident," Raven said irritably. She moved away again until her back hit the sink. Robin had her cornered. "I have to meditate," she excused herself and went to leave but Robin grabbed her arm. He had no intention of hurting her, but his grip was strong. The same four eyes flashed in her mind despite her eyes being open.

"We can talk somewhere privately," Robin pressed. He noticed her body go rigid and she wouldn't look at him. She pulled her arm away.

"Don't. Touch. Me."

Raven angrily wiped at the tears threatening to escape. Her heart was pounding and she could feel her chest getting tight. Her face had a weird numbing sensation and along with that, she felt lightheaded. It was a familiar feeling. She was having an anxiety attack.

"I can't breathe," she nearly sobbed before rushing out of the kitchen. She ran upstairs to the roof, passing Starfire having a conversation with Beastboy about the latest things Silky had done. Raven didn't pause to see their reactions but was sure it left them confused. Raven finally made it outside on the roof top. The cold air and rain hit her at the same time. She slammed the door closed and leaned against it. The feeling of dread overcame her and she still felt like she was going to faint. Raven knew it was just the symptoms of a panic attack but it still didn't comfort her. She felt like she was going crazy. It was impossible for Trigon to be around and Arella would be treated with the best medicine available, but all the rational thoughts would never make her feel any better. Raven sat with her back against the door and sobbed.

Footsteps came up the stairs and the door opened. She was gently moved but it didn't bother her.

"Raven," she heard Robin's voice say. She felt him towering over her since he had grown up too during the past few years. Both Beastboy and Robin were taller than her now and their body's had gotten nicely toned with muscle. Robin knelt next to her and lifted Raven's chin up with his finger. "You don't have to talk about it, but if what I suspected happened in the kitchen is true, I can help," he told her sternly. She knew she wasn't being scowled. Robin had a way of being serious in a brotherly way.

"What do you mean?" Raven asked. Her voice was shaky and her mind seemed cloudy from all the emotions.

"I know exactly what a panic attack feels like. I used to get them all the time. I have some medicine left over for them that is still good. It shouldn't hurt for you to take it. I don't need it anymore." Robin explained as he gently pushed a small pill bottle into her hand. "Break one in half when you feel one coming on and if it doesn't help, then take the other half in half an hour." Raven almost couldn't comprehend what was going on. Robin was getting soaked in the cold rain just for her. She gripped the bottle.

"Thanks," she said hoarsely. Raven was even more surprised when he hugged her.

"You're not going crazy," he whispered. He let go of her and then grabbed her hand to help her stand up. "Let's get you out of this weather." Robin put his arm around her shoulders and led her back inside. Halfway down the stairs they ran into Beastboy.

"Raven, what happened?" Beastboy stopped them and asked. Raven grabbed onto Robin. She wasn't ready to talk. What if he thought different of her for taking pills to help with her mind?

"I'll let her tell you," Robin said as he gave his friend a comforting squeeze. Raven almost sighed in relief at Robin keeping the scene of the roof private. She hugged the jacket Robin had draped around her shoulders closer to her body.

"I just want to get warm," she said honestly.

"Robin, I'll take her to her room," Beastboy offered. He studied Raven's features. Her hair was soaked and her eyes looked even more tired. She was even shivering slightly. Robin released her a little reluctantly, but she went straight to Beastboy's side. His body temperature was slightly warmer not only because he had been inside, but it had something to do with his animal genetics.

"Come get me if you need me," Robin told Raven before he disappeared.


End file.
